Been feeling pretty ill all day and yesterday; luckily I've already done all my half-term homework bar one piece (which I should really do) so I can lie about without any guilt that I should be doing something.
That brought me to my long-neglected blog; haven't written anything since the summer. To be quite honest, I haven't had time. College is great, but they do work us hard. Apparently it's about the same level of difficulty as uni, so I think I'll be able to cope with that when the time comes! And that was said by an ex-pupil who is currently studying at Oxford, so that's given me some peace of mind.
A lot has changed since my last post. As well as starting at college and beginning AS levels (English Lit, History, Sociology and Politics if anyone cares!) I've got closer with people, drifted away from certain people (with regret, I have to add) and met some lovely new people. I actually have a social life and have been to quite a few parties, and I've managed to loosen up enough to enjoy them. I worked at Lush over the Christmas period and really enjoyed it; it indicated to me that I really do have to work in a job that lets me work with people. I'm not one to adore just my own company; I start to stifle myself and I have to talk to other people to feel normal again.
During college, I've begun to think again about the future. I think 17 is such a confusing age; it's the time when we have to seriously think about what we want to do with our lives, as we'll be applying for uni/jobs/planning gap years in September time. I don't know about anyone else, but I feel too young. Inside my head, I'm still 14; I still dress like I'm 14! I can't compute the fact that two years from now I'll be into my second term at university (assuming I actually get the grades I want) Two years is simultaneously such a short and a long time. Two years ago, I was in California on a trip with the school. (My secondary school had epic trips.) I felt the same inside then as I do now; I think? My friends are largely similar to the ones I had then. But then again, I was three years away from becoming an adult. Now I'm only one year away and it seems to have come so fast.
Do I want to be a lawyer? Do I want to apply for Oxford? I just don't know. The law lecture I went to on Saturday was fascinating, and I do think I would be interested in the study of law as an academic subject. But what do I want to do with it? It's just so difficult to become a barrister, and though I have lots of ambition and enthusiasm, I don't think I can be as good as they would want a barrister to be. I don't want to give up; but I don't know how I'm going to get there.
It'll happen, somehow. I know I can do what I put my mind to. I just have to believe that.
